Skipping Back: Kakashi Hatake
by Self'Titled
Summary: KakashiXOC!Uta  A friendship ended years ago when Uta finally unleashed her demons on the only one who accepted her. Now guilt keeps her up at night, happy memories bring her pain, and Kakashi is the only one she can run to, but she messed it all up.
1. o: Memories

_Hello Darkness my old friend…_

Gentle waves hit the shoreline, pushing and pulling sand with it and made a pair of feet sink deeper into the tiny rocks. Goosebumps adorned the sun kissed skin of the girl who didn't dare take a step further. Her arms were crossed over her torso and eyes stared at the shimmering water, letting her vision be blocked by her deep red locks when the wind blew. She didn't reach to move it, she was barely even breathing. There was nothing but the sound of the water to distract her, but it was that sound that put her deep into thought.

If it wasn't for the full moon glowing above, there would be nothing but darkness. Even with the moon, she still heard the dark calling her to play so it could bring back the truth about herself. All the memories, all the secrets, everything she was hiding was trying to destroy her for leaving it in the back of her mind. One memory broke through and made her remember.

Her throat closed and muscles tightened. She held her breath as the feeling of suffocation rushed back to her. She could hear the sand moving along the ocean floor again and saw the darkness, with just a single speck of light fading at the surface. Her lungs ached, her nose ached, her own blood slipped into her lungs, but she was paralyzed. It made her forget her pain as she tried to make her body move to get back to the surface and catch some air, but she continued to sink into the darkness and felt the pressure in her head.

She rather be burning or being beaten. Someone could slit her throat and leave her to bleed to death and she'd be happier than she was at that moment. Drowning. Sinking. Dying.

When the pressure made her think her head would burst she finally moved an arm. Slowly she could move again and put all her strength into heading for the surface, but she still couldn't breathe. She knew it was pointless, especially in her condition, but she kept pushing forward until her mind left her. There was nothing but the darkness. Nothing but the silence. Loneliness hit her like a boulder, bringing back all the times she turned down a chance at friendship; a chance at an adventure; a chance at love.

If only she had opened up when she was still young. If only she learned that you can't do everything on your own sooner. Maybe then she won't be sinking.

However, it wasn't the end for her just yet. She was saved. She never learned his name, never knew where he came from or how he knew she needed someone, but he saved her. There was a girl there was healing her, but her throat hurt so she couldn't say a word. She wish she knew why they had to leave her there, but she stopped questioning it after some time. All she wanted to know was that boys name.

Standing on the shore, breathing once more, she smiled when the memory of his face came to her. That crocked smile of his was adorable and blue eyes were even bright at night. His hair was sticking to his headband, but she could see part of the symbol – an arrow or triangle. He said something, but she didn't hear due to the water in her ears and then watched him go with that girl. Further ahead of them was another man with a trait that not many could forget.

It was that standing silver hair she had seen before. If her throat hadn't hurt she would have called his name, but then she remember that he was also the only friend she had ever made and then she just pushed him away. He would never accept her again.

…_I've come to speak with you again._


	2. 00: Reunite

_A month went by, a month that I can't describe._

She had been stuck in the same dream cycle ever since a week after the incident. It was like a broken record that would keep repeating the same beat due to a scratch in the CD. Lay down to sleep, enter the dream world, walk along the sea, sink. Auburn eyes fly open, she gasps for air, grabs her red hair, tries to remember she's laying in her bed in her home, but her bones still shake and her breathing is uneven.

The darkness scares her now so there's a candle flickering on the window ledge and she turns to it for comfort. The yellow flame dances before her and her heart rate slows and breathing is finally on track with the sweet scent of strawberries and kiwis filling her senses. The reflection of the flame on the window is beside the full moon and she adverts her gaze to the glowing ball of light in the sky. A full moon was something else she hated.

Darkness eloped her again as she lay down with a restless mind. Ever since the day she came so close to death she hadn't been the same. She was more distant, even towards herself, and memories of way back when she could still call him a friend would taunt her with happiness she once knew.

Her hands would grip the pillow until they went numb; she choked herself trying not to cry.

_You fuck up. Shut up. Who cares? God damnit. I can't believe you did that. You're so stupid._

Nothing good ever came from her happy thoughts. After forcing herself into a light, dreamless sleep, one of those where your thoughts are still running, she would stall with getting out of bed. There was nothing to do of that much importance. She'd make some tea and sit at the table. Maybe she would go to the message tower and see if there was something she could help with.

Along the way to the tower, thoughts about him would come around again. She would bite her lip, make a face, but put on her poker face just a split second later. _He means nothing. _She would think to herself, but there was a voice in the back of her head that would still say otherwise.

Just one night, just a glimpse was all it took to make her mind spiral out of control. She was sick of herself at this point. Being brain dead was getting her nowhere and it was killing her reputation as a reliable Shinobi. Her month of being uneasy was over and her chance at finally fixing that mistake that made her hate herself at night was standing right before her eyes. It made her realize that it wasn't the night she almost drowned that she was broken by. It was the night her inner demons took control of her mind and she spilled everything all at once, and everything was just too much.

Forgetting the past had worked for so long, but it was catching up and eating her away day by day. being back in the place she once called home was now a prison cell. There were memories that were so clear that it felt like it was just the other day she was going over scrolls with him, but it was really years ago. He accepted her - she forced him away. She beat herself up everyday, but now she was going to own up to being so hideous.

One deep breath, five steps ahead, and then it was time to tear his away from the books that were set up behind the glass.

"Kakashi…"

It was one of her greatest fears she was facing: rejection.

_A month I've been trying to push aside and forget in time._


	3. 1: Reminiscent

_And now we are inches away, but we're miles apart_

"_Kakashi…"_

She spoke his name and her heart sank. A voice in her head said that maybe he wouldn't remember her, but she knew he would. One just doesn't forget such a vicious words. Right hand holding left, she squeezed until it hurt and what she saw in his eye came and went in a single flash, a mixture of feelings all at once, and her throat closed. She couldn't look at him when his gaze was on her anymore because she feared the hate that could be so clear.

"[Name]…it's been a while," he said in a monotone voice and put his hands into his pockets. The mix of emotions in his gut made it hard for him to remain cool and collected and the red heads puppy dog eyes she was trying to hide made him pity her. She only nodded her head and he knew she wouldn't be able to say much more, but he wouldn't complain. He avoided this situation the night Naruto saved her from being taken by the lake and hoped that would be as close as a reunion they would share.

Her mouth opened, but no words came. She closed it and pursed her lips to herself. In need of something to say, she asked the only thing she could to avoid the real reason for approaching him. "Were you there that night a month ago?" And Kakashi knew what night she meant. He nodded. "Can you tell that guy who saved me thank you?" He nodded. "Thank you…" She left.

She had given herself more to use to beat herself up. _You coward._

Kakashi now exhaled and turned back to the books behind the glass. No longer did he care for the new _Icha Icha Paradise_.A year ago when they first met, was so different. She wasn't cowering and didn't have a twister of emotions spinning in his showed her the ropes of being an ANBU and she called him names for being younger.

"_Since your older this shouldn't be so hard."_ He would say.  
><em>"I'm only older than you by four years." <em>She muttered back.

Years ago when they were both ANBU members, they formed a bond. Kakashi joined several months before she did and his skills were great enough to be her mentor. Late at night they got together and trained until their entire body ached. Kakashi would help her learn a new jutsu as he copied one of hers. The two would collapse onto the Earth and watch the sunrise with the sensation of throbbing muscles trying to call them into a sweet slumber.

Bruises came, but aches came when they hadn't trained from more then a single day. Between the jutsus, when they were going over flaws and catching their breath, they gazed at the stars and shared secrets and stories. [Name] would suddenly being to speak in code while telling a story to test the silver haired males skills at solving the puzzle – he always found it interesting how she had memorized the constant changing code so well.

It was just little things they did together, things teammates did. There was no romance behind it, no strange element that brought them together, they just enjoyed spending time with one another and Kakashi had to make sure she had what it takes to be an ANBU of the Hidden Leaf. Their time together gave a Kakashi a new view on the night sky.

Each night when he looked into the black sky with its specks of light, he could feel her presence by his side. He could still imagine the how her eyes seemed black in the night as her hair gained a strange pink-purple tint he didn't understand. Sun kissed skin glowed under the moonlight and there was that smile she had burned into his head – her perfect smile.

To most, memories of spending time with a friend would make them smile, but as Kakashi imagined her smile, hateful words spilled from it. They hit him hard and he could still her ever syllable, loud and clear, ring in his ear.

_So I'll dream of the day and how we felt at the start._


End file.
